Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good,
but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

A true friend will come and bail you out of jail.

A "really" true friend will already be sitting beside you in jail,
saying..."Well, that was fun."

When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the
sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse
it could be and to quit your whining.

When you are confused - I will use little words, slowly, to try to help you understand.

When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again, I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath...

I pledge it till the end...

"Why?" you may ask...

Because you are my friend.


A good friend will help you move.

A "really" good friend will help you move a body.

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.