I AM GLAD I AM A MAN
 

 

So you're glad you're a chick? Well, I'm glad I'm a guy.
So have a seat, missy, and I'll tell ya why
I'm so glad I'm a man, I could stand and applaud
That I don't have to live life as a broad.

We do the same work, but I'm better paid.
There's honor and not shame for me when I get laid.
I can get head in a restaurant booth.
Mechanics will (usually) tell me the truth.

I can go sit at a bar all alone
Without twenty drunk losers inviting me home.
Workmen and service men never do hassle me.
Car CD players don't simply baffle me.

I can reach stuff hidden on the top shelf.
I can change light bulbs all by myself.
No one expects anything when I just flirt.
I don't have to wear dumb stuff like hose or a skirt.

My underwear's cotton, and three for eight bucks.
Bras are expensive and WIRE - that sucks.
I get to buy cool stuff like hammers and drills.
You have to buy makeup and birth control pills.

Never will I suffer from PMS.
It takes me ten minutes to shower and dress.
Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
I don't have a purse full of useless old stuff.

None of my co-workers can make me cry.
When someone fails to call, I don't give a shit why.
I never will need an electrician or plumber.
I can date someone much younger and dumber.

I'm GLAD I'm a guy, with two balls and a dick,
So I don't have to live life as a chick.
I revel in guy-hood with joy I can't squelch,
And I'll celebrate every scratch, every belch.