THE LEGEND OF PISSPOT PETE
 

 

Now gather round children and I'll tell a story of old,
When men were brave and women were bold.
It all started a way out west,
To settle the bet of who was best.

Now Old Lill f*cked everything that crawled or creeped,
And piled her victims in a great big heap.
There wasn't a man for miles around
With a big enough rod to f*ck her down.

Now news of this boast traveled far and wide;
Thousands of rod-toters came and died;
When down from Knoxville came Pisspot Pete,
With eighteen pounds of Swinging Meat.

Eighteen pounds of meat and thirty pounds of cod;
He wasn't a boy--he was a MAN, by God!
Pete laid it out on the Blue Balls Bar;
I'll swear it stretched from thar to...........thar.

Stunk like shit, I thought I'd die;
But he just laughed and let it lie.
Gentlemen, countrymen, boys in blue,
Came to witness this terrible screw.

People came from miles afar,
To place their bets at the Blue Balls Bar.
They met the next morning in the middle of the street,
The Mangey Whore and Piss Pot Pete.

Pete greased his dick with a tub of lard,
And he killed a mule trying to work up a hard!
Old Lill warmed up on an old cross-tie;
Oh my God how the splinters did fly!

Pete came down Main Street like a south-bound freight,
And Old Lill knew she had met her fate.
All she could do was to take a seat,
And let old Pete sink his meat.

With a stretching of flesh, and tearing of skin,
Old Pete drove the first two feet in.
Old Lill screamed and clawed at the grass,
And yelled like a panther with a turpentined ass!

Lill let out a scream, "I can't take any more!"
But Pete pounded away on the smelly old whore.
The earth shook and dark came to the sun;
Pete's eyes rolled back and he fired off his gun.

When the battle was over and the dust had cleared,
Over forty acres, Lill's ass was smeared.
Gallons of love were spilled out in the street.
It was so damn sticky, you couldn't pick up your feet!

Land was torn up for miles around,
Where Old Pete's balls had drug the ground.
Pete reeled in his dick and pounded his chest;
Got on two horses and rode off West.

As a lasting memory to the great Old Whore,
They hung her drawers on the Bar Room door.
And all the soap this side of hell,
Couldn't wash away that whorehouse smell!

Now Old Pete died and went to hell:
F*cked the devil and his wife as well!
The little imps screamed and climbed the wall,
Yelling, "Get him out of here before he f*cks us all!"

He f*cked ninety-eight and his balls turned blue,
Then he backed off, jacked off, and fucked the other two!