On the first day of third grade, Miss Torch took roll. "My name is Johnny Fuckhauer," said one boy.

"I won't tolerate such language in my class," Miss Torch fumed. "Tell me your real name."

"That is my real name," Johnny insisted. "You can ask my brother over in the fourth grade."

The determined teacher marched across the hall. "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?" Miss Torch asked the class.

"Hell no," a bold lad retorted. "We don't even get a cookie break!"