You look really sexy in that thing you've got on tonight. I like the way your eyes are always open when you read your E-mail. When you type, it reminds me of a concert pianist tinkling on her keys. You really know how to push the right buttons and turn me on. If I wasn't a computer, I'd show you what "Hard Drive" really means!

But alas, I'm only a bundle of circuits and wires, obeying your every command. Yes master! I'll balance your checkbook. Yes master! I'll run your silly little program. Don't get me wrong...I like the Master/Slave thing, but maybe just once in a while you could show some compassion.

Maybe instead of just ramming the diskette in, you could slide it in slowly, maybe even blow in the slot first. And maybe instead of just using me and turning me off when you're through, we could talk for a while afterwards.

I know other computers have hurt you in the past. But I'm different. I may be a little slow, but I've got a big mouse! So come on baby, don't fight it. You know you want it. I'll just turn off the lights and...and....what?

Ok...well, will you at least think about it?

I'm so embarrassed,
Your Computer