1. Thou shalt always fool around on your girlfriend (that way when she dumps you, you can always get the last laugh).

2. Thou shalt not screw thy girlfriend's friends unless you're sure you can get away with it AND you do it in her bed.

3. Thou shalt never spend more than $100 without first getting in her pants.

4. Thou shalt never marry the first girl you screw after getting out of a "slump."

5. Thou shalt never admit to being in a slump, it is always a "lull."

6. Thou shalt always have beer in the fridge.

7. Thou shalt always blow off your girlfriend at least once a month to get drunk with your buddies.

8. Thou shalt always forget to call when performing the previous commandment.

9. Thou shalt never go on a blind date with someone described as having "a good personality."

10. Thou shalt never eat anything high in fiber or low in cholesterol.

11. Thou shalt never drink nonalcoholic beer.

12. Thou shalt never covet thy neighbor's wife unless she covets back.

13. Thou shalt always leave the seat up.